sore throat

So if I'm nursing a sore throat, I will try not to talk as much or answer calls
So please dun call me cos I would not pick up the call....
If it was other illnesses like fever or running nose or flu
I guess it is still ok to pick up
Just that I will sound super sianz..
But not when it is a sore throat...

Sleepless nights
Caused by the irritated painful throat
Tiredness
Grumpiness
Softness of voice..
Sigh....

I need some TLC leh... =(
But I know there's none to be had...

Goes emo alone..

Jobs...

I think this time round, I'm serious...
That is... if the right opportunity comes along...
To find another job...
Perhaps really a career
Instead of mundanely maundering on..

But since this blog is so private..
I guess not many will be able to see that I am looking for one and help me keep a look out.
Oh well!
*rolls sleeves up*
Time to depend on myself!!

*goes job searching*

Bochup..

After telling myself for the umpteenth time to ignore what others say or do
I think I have finally managed to give it up somewhat
It was never meant to be mine
And I'm much better holding on to things that matters.
I will just say that there are many degrees of friendship but they do not rank at the top with the rest of some of my other friends...

Learning to let go is not an easy process
Nor is it a conscious way
your subconscious have to tell you to do so...
It has to let go...

Yet, apparantly, research has shown that trying too hard to be happy is detrimental to health
Take it with a pinch of salt, yah.
As long as you are happy with your status quo, who cares...

Feeling Happy? Don't be too smug as chances are you will die young.
The Downsides of being too Happy

Run Photos!

For the 1st time ever!
I finally have pics of my 10km Run Marathon!
Yah, they tell me 10km is not a Marathon. I didn't exactly "run" also as I walked for a major part of it so I do not know what to call it...
I have taken part in 2 Standard Chartered Marathon, 1 Sun Down Marathon and my first Great Eastern Women's Run.
I have never have any official photos for the first 3!!
I dun know what is their criteria for taking photos but I'm excited as this is the first time I have got photos...
Heheheh!! :P

Next up, another 10km Standard Chartered Marathon and perhaps, in future, a half (21km) Marathon?

I am glad to announce also that with every run, I manage to improve on my previous timing, even though it is only a few seconds or minutes. heh!!!

Songkran?

Planning to go Songkran next year
To experience the festival for the very first time!! =D

Only problem is

Who do I ask to go along?

Ponders...

Thank you...

When people brings you down, there are others who brings you up. I'm glad I have some awesome frens around. =)

Thot of the moment for now..

And hopefully no down period for some time....

Lots of possible travel plans next year
From different different people.

* Happy :) *

India? China? Thailand? Europe? Dive?

But hor.... not enough $$!! =/
I need a part-time job to fuel all my travel lust...

Reviewing...

Stumbled upon my old blog
and i thot I closed them all
Saw something interesting and meaningful which I have written in 2008..
and was quite amazed that... hey! i can write rather well then!
But i seemed to have deteriotated over the years.
Should I post this on FB?

but i'm gonna make some changes to it..

我不应该在为那
可能与不可能
烦恼着可与不可以
选择放轻松
反而对自己好
也给心灵好过一些
随意交朋友
朋友圈也大了
时间过得充实多了
要来的事情
总有机会发生
一切只能顺其自然
希望自己能
理智的做对的选择
不要受到太多伤害
记得把悲伤抛开
只要幸福开心快乐就好
不要想太多
也不要强求太多吧

More bruises coming soon...

I just signed up for the next course
I must be crazy
or a sucker for such punishment
Get ready for the next round of bruising and abrasion!

must be in compensation for the "awesome" life I am having.
But somehow.. I think I will be happier without the group..
I dun understand why I'm so particularly sensitive abt them too
But I guess, drawing away will help to defray the hurts...

There are certainly times which I felt ok again
The doctor thought that my depression could not all be due to the meds
I guess it could have its roots somewhere?
But I do not know where
And since nobody there really understands
Or is helping me with it
The "illness" persist....
And I guess, will continue to persist....

I wonder why I'm ok with my other groups.. just not this one... :(

Is it really Me?

Unavailable...

Yes, I mentioned I had an appt
You asked if I can make it after the appt
I din reply as I dun know
And I'm tired of accommodating...

You asked me to buzz if I can make it
I did ask where thereafter
Your reply came 5hrs later
You say they are still there
Excuse me, the place is so big.
Till now, nobody told me where
Nobody message me

I said nobody message me anyway
And the next day, you message that:-
"You say you can't make it. We don't want to keep messaging you. Everybody was in the water so not able to reply."
You say everybody in the water so didn't check phone (as usual)
Me thinks:
All the time? But never mind...
Who's "We"? Got 'We"? Nobody say anything to me.
I didn't mention anything about the lateness of the reply.
I only say nobody message me.
Cos from the beginning till now, seriously nobody messaged me about the location or time of the event.
You only told me area, but not location.
So tell me, what am I supposed to think?

And when some others couldn't make it for some other events previously,
you guys will message or call them.
Different treatment, no?

Too sensitive I know
But that's who I am nowadays
I get hurt easily...
Sigh... 

Joking meh?..

ok.. i dun know u all that well...
So I wouldn't know if you are joking or not
I'm too sensitive and take things too seriously sometimes even though some may say otherwise (cues previous post) but if you condemn me where 'condemn' is a serious word to use, I do not think I have to stick around to listen right?

And then you all say I can't take jokes
I cannot see which part of the conversation can be construed as jokes.
Even though the rest may say so.
And when everyone in that group, besides the few that are MIA, groups together
How would a person feel?

So if I left the conversation alone, refusing to participate in it, I'm to withstand your attacks again?
U must be crazy....
Especially since I dun sense it as joking.


Sigh...

Call me sensitive...
I dun mind cos I know I am...
But can spare some thoughts for other people's feelings?

Stupid packing...

Stupid packing is stupid packing
There's no other explanation for this.

I can bear with a small box in a big box packing
But this one really takes the cake.

You put each award certificate into it's own little cardboard packing and send it over?!
Resulting in a cost of over USD$1k for the shipping?!
You must be kidding me!

And then you refuse to answer my email to you
BEST!!

And the fault actually lies at your side
Cos when I sent out the file, it included the names of all these people
But somehow or other, you neglected/forgotten to include them in your initial posting.
So I emailed you to ask for them
And you *(#$*#& had to ask me to send the file to you again.
So I send to you loh
Now you ask me to pay an exorbitant amount for shipping just cos of the way you ship?
I crazy or you crazy?

I'm ok if it's a small amount but not $1k...
And the envelopes are spoilt... =(

Duh....
 

Breaadd...

I love bread!!
Especially crosiants
Yes, I know it's buttery and fattening
But it's fluffy and yummy!!

I like wholemeals, seedy breads (those with lots of seeds de, like sunflower seeds etc.), traditional bread (not your gardenia or sunshine bread) as well as warm bread freshly out from the oven!!

I also like to buy this bread whenever I'm in JB and when it's available.. hehehe!

Bamboo Charcoal Bread!!!

The color may turn you off, but it's nice!!
Yummmmzzzz... =D

Penguin...

Cute little cushion cum soft toy Penguin that my friend helped me buy in HK. =D
Must try to see if I can reach that area of the airport to get some companionship for the Penguin when I go there at the end of the year. Heh!!

I have been looking for this type of toy ever since I saw a cow version at their house.
Searched around Singapore (i.e. went to all the toys shop at the shopping centers that I go to), to see if I can find the same or similar ones.
I finally saw one at Bugis, but... it was... the last one.. and out of shape.... =(
It must also have been hug carried squashed by lots of people too. =(
Saw similar ones but the fur material is.... =/

I hope I can find the shop when I go down HK at the end of the year!! =D

Falsies...

Attempted falsies (aka Fake eyelashes) at home in preparation for my upcoming Company's Dinner and Dance...

OMG! How do people withstand having things on their eyes?
I feel asleep after doing it.. kekekek!!
I woke up with the falsies still intact and still feeling uncomfortable with it on my eyes.

I think one of the main issues I have is that it looks unnaturally long!!
And it looks... kind of... separated from my natural lashes.
I have no qualms with my lashes just that they are shorter..
And (I thought) the eyes will look brighter, bigger, nicer with long thick falsies, though my falsies are just long, not thick...

Oh well, I shall try it and be armed with an arsenal of makeup in case I decide to take them off in the middle of the event. =P

Does it look ok?
No other makeup except for the eyeliner and the falsies...

Booking courts

Booking of the badminton courts seems to be an exercise in futility
It is SO DIFFICULT to find empty slots for the time you want,
the location you want
the date you want!!

The minute the facility opens up for booking in the morning, the place is booked!
How did those people book so quickly?!
I'm starting to suspect that it is a conspiracy where they already have deals in place to put that timing in the blocked zone once it opens up for booking.

Either that or they have a much faster browser...
=/
I need a faster browser, ya?

Webby to book
For Schools and Singapore Sports Council halls - http://www.icanbook.com.sg
For Community Centres - http://one.pa.gov.sg

Australia-fied...

Sometimes I wish I'm back in Australia, in the cooler weather months I mean...
Cos the hot weather months are a torture...
Where I can drive to any cafes or anywhere
Then just shop to my heart's content with no worries about monetary difficulties or anything
Where I dun think as much then
Where I can just do anything I want

But those times are passe
I cannot turn back time, nor go back to then

And even then, I wish there was some things that I could change
Like stop wearing glasses
See a doctor earlier about my acne problems
Stop wearing baggy clothings and super casual wear
Be more aware of how I look

I can't turn back time...
I just need to make time for myself
Just take the initiative to go where I wanna go.... alone....
And just relax
Stop thinking...

But then.... 

Le sigh....

Crazy....

For 2 times in a row....
I've sat in this bus with a crazy lady

She board the bus while shouting and scolding people.
This continues on for the entire trip!!

ok.... the entirety of my trip in any case, cos I get off earlier...

Image from: http://www.cartoonstock.com/directory/v/verbal_diarrhea.asp

I have no idea what disagreements she had with the world
But her scolding ranges widely from Men, Women, Children, the different races, certain ethnic groups, foreign workers, savings, God, Christianity and Buddhism, Tiger beer (today!) and many others.
I even caught one Caucasian smiling with amusement at her ramblings.

I was irritated the first time
My quiet sleepy bus journey has turned the other way round once she board the bus....
Today, I was more.. pitiful.... of her...
I was praying in my own way of certain issues I am facing
Then when I saw her, I started praying for her too

I do not know why....
There was a certain compassion and an urge to help her through prayers.

And I am not even a devout Christian or anything.... =/

I just hope that the prayers will still be answered!

Image from: http://www.churchinwales.org.uk/faith/prayer/

Morbid...

Met with Unca the other day
Had a morbid topic discussion
Cos it just so happened that we passed by a cemetery after tracking at Bukit Timah Hill and the tombstones are all covered with grasses and weeds....
They were lopsided and didn't seem to have anyone or any descendents maintaining them...

The descendents may have forgotten that they even have ancestors in those graves as their parents pass on..
I know for my side, my parents have never even brought me to my grandparents urn resting area to pay respects. Thus if and when they pass on, I will never know where my grandparents are placed...

And we started to talk about what to do with us when we die...
I would want to be just cremated and my ashes spread over the sea...
Save the trouble of buying a lot and maintaining it...
I do not think I'm ever going to get married and thus the idea of having descendents seems impossible....
So no one is going to pay their respects to me anyway....
saves time and trouble if the ashes are just spread over the sea...

Unca wants his to be donated to the University for their medical teaching.
Noble idea yes
But I somehow do not entertain the thought of displaying my body or the body parts for others to view at, despite being dead...

According to Unca, the ferry at Changi ferry terminal to Pulau Ubin have this service (spreading ashes over the sea)!!
I must find some time to go write my will then.... hmmm...

Image credit from: http://www.atlastours.net/holyland/sea_of_galilee.html

Drifting off....

Friendless...

Maybe it's just me
Maybe whatever I do, just don't cut it
I'm just not suitable to be a friend
Even when I try not to intrude
Try not to get involved
Try not to ask....
I still get rejections and get hurt....
And people started asking...
Why not you just ask...

Well... when you get non-committal replies or even no replies
When you feel like you are intruding
When you feel you are outside the circle
Will you still want to ask?

I did all those in the beginning..
but gradually, a person do get tired
I'm not exactly the happy person I may appear to be
I can't take things easy anymore
Prob due to a human's limited life span

I still want to live love laugh
But all seems to be escaping, slipping from my grasp
When will I be free?

From http://www.flickr.com/photos/selvikrishnaraj/6032345200/sizes/l/in/photostream/

Vein bruise?

So it went from looking brownish on the first day to purple-ish brown green on the 3rd day...
It actually looks worst than it seems in the photo just that the photo can't actually capture the discoloration.

And I must say, it's the most painful and inconvenient one to date!!
I can't really stretch my arm..
Touching it causes pain
Using strength cause pain too....
What kind of bruise is that!!!!

There was a vein bump thingy when it first appeared.
I din take a pic then cos I was still in the midst of class
Then I use my wrist band to cover and protect the area
Now it's "beautifully" colored... =_='''

I wonder how long it takes to heal...

The bruises on your skin can heal easily
But the bruises on the heart can never heal properly...
Hiaz...

Insensitive?

Insensitive? That's actually a first
I'm usually thot of being TOO sensitive
I see a lot of things as a hurt or damage
I considered too much about others that even though I'm hurt inside, I still do things for people...
I guess I still wanted to believe in "you reap what you sow"
Even though I'm not exactly "reaping" it...

But a simple message is seen as being "insensitive"?
I guess I'm still hurting from it
Even as I am typing this...

I know that there was tonnes of messages that day
But how would I know what an individual will feel?
I'm not the person....
Some people would think it's funny
Some people would just ignore the whole thread
Some people would get angry which you did and being on text, who would know?

Yes, you just got back from a leisure trip
But that doesn't mean that I deserve an insensitive remark just cos I texted asking how many in total were there and then an "ignored... =( " message the Next Day.
I texted next day and not that nite leh
Still insensitive mah?

Insensitive is when you ignored the feelings of others
When you do not care...
When the time I asked for confirmation on going out for my birthday and nobody actually replied me. Instead, all talked about some random stuff....

I think i should take a break and become a hermit...
Dun go out for any activity liao

Wondering...

Sometimes, I wonder if it's just me
or is it tt the strangers tt I've met are never the right one

Sometimes I wonder if it just me
Or this group of friends i have, are just not the right ones.

Concern, consideration, a simple question
Things tt should come naturally when u are frens, doesn't seem to appear here.
even a simple reply takes eons...

I give up..
I have to learn to let go...
Be free...

Graciousness

I was in the bus earlier today
carrying 2 full bags
yet when the passenger behind me left his seat
It was taken by the guy standing beside me....
*pissed lah!*

I mean...
He doesn't look ill or anything
He's only carrying a haversack that looks super empty
and his breakkie
he really need the seat so much that he must snatch it from me meh?!

I seriously don't understand...

It's on par with cases where people turn a blind eye to pregnant or elderly people...

Sometimes, I just want to kick them...

And as one gets older, one gets bolder...

Oi! move lah!

Work...

work is piling up...
Struggles to have a work life balance
goal to leave work latest by 6.30pm seems difficult
this only happens if I have an appointment in the evening
But faces the workload the next day again
I'm not that capable..
or rather... I do not wish to immerse myself in work fully with no time for other stuff...

Oh well..
Life goes on...
Can't sustain a lifestyle without work...

Where are all the cushy money earning job that allows u lots of time to rest and relax?! hrumph...

Rashes...

My legs seem extremely prone to injuries
They are easily bruised
I have more bruising pictures but I didn't post them....
And now they are developing extremely itchy rashes..

I dun know where these rashes came from!
I couldn't sleep properly cos of the itchiness of the rashes...
And they create ugly red bumps on my legs.
Le sigh...

how to cure?
Why and how did they appear?
I only had a family lunch and a BBQ in the evening leh
Is it cos of the grass? mat? food? ....?

Tired... ZZZZzzz....

Post...

Yes.. I deleted the last post
Cos...
Despite all..
They are still my friends...
They already know...
Cos I have already said so...
I dun wanna continue to hanker on

=)

All's well... =)

Rain...

Rain
It can be a good or bad thing depending on what you are doing

Like if you travel, you will wish for sunny days or at most gloomy days.
But no rain please.
It will spoil your photo-taking opportunities
Makes it difficult for you to appreciate the scenery and enjoy the shopping

If Diving, while I'm already wet, and will be in the water where a lighting strike (should?!) do no harm, I still do not want it to rain as it will be cold and dangerous still. Light drizzle is fine, but not all out rain!

If I'm going somewhere, no rain please
I do not want to get wet getting to my destination
Or need to hold a wet umbrella wherever I go

However, if it's at night and I'm already in bed
Or if I'm in a confines of a building,
Then it's okay to rain!!
Especially for the first one, bed....
How nice, comfy and cooling it is to nestle in bed, covered by a blankie.....
ahhhh... bliss....

I miss my bed already....
Hahahahahah!!

Travel...

I have always loved to travel
I dreamt of being a pilot, air stewardess/flight crew, tour leader, business woman, etc.
Professions that allowed me to travel..

But as I settled into my current profession, I discovered...
It does not allow me to do so...
The companies that I have been to, does not require me to travel
No doubt friends and family who travel for work says that business travel is a tiring affair,
I would still like to try

I tried to interview for flight crew before
but was rejected
I tried only once as compared to the number of girls who actually tried many many times.
I was doing it for fun at that time anyway,
as I was going for further studies soon

I tried the tour leader position but was told that only confirmed employees can lead tours
But my manager refused to confirm me and even told me that she doesn't think that I will stay in the profession long.
Fine... I left..
Miserable pay, long hours, throat infection....
and even having to work while you are nursing a throat infection (can't talk at all and you need to talk to sell)
And getting scolded if you dun have enough sales cos the people at your table takes a long time to decide (my fault?! I'm supposed to push them to make a decision?! never mind...)
Pushing factors that made me leave..
And guess what's the funny thing? The said Manager saw me again when I was with another company and ask me to recommend sales, products for her. She was trying to get business for her new company through me... duh...

So what do I do?
I travel for leisure.
China, New Zealand, England, Australia, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Indonesia, USA, Thailand, Malaysia, Japan, Korea, I have been there. =D
But of cos... I do not have the $$ or the time to explore the entire country.
Just certain parts of the country. =)
Time for more traveling!

Breathtaking...

Breathtaking pictures from my Live Onboard (LOB) trip.
This was before Bali and before the (so angry) Tioman trip.
Whilst there was lots of nauseous feeling due to the rocking of the boat that cast a vile shadow on my diving trips henceforth, the breath taking dusk scenery tried to make up for it. 

Simply beautiful and something which we will not get to see often
And I have simply no idea how it was formed. heh!

 Trying to make a panaromic pic...

 Composition of photos all trying to capture the colors / essence of the sky.

 It's the DAWN (dusk) of a New Day!! hurhur!

Trying to capture a closer look at the colors...

Good food?

Was at a training at Traders Hotel a short while ago.
While the food, especially during breaks, is excellent,
And they really kept us well fed and well hydrated
Too much good food is urm... not healthy...
hahahah!!

Cues after lunch syndrome that drags on the whole day
Our trainer calls it "graveyard syndrome..."
and the last person who answer the questions, will be suffering from "creeping Death"
LOL at all the terms.

And if the good food at the buffet is repeated day in day out, it really gets very boring....
But good cos it makes u zoom in on the food u want and eat less bah....

Here's a pic of the buffet area, the conference area and our wonderful tea break items!!

Gangnam...

Knew about the Gangnam style song and dance routing courtesy of fren's frens.
alamak!!
But at least, I'm not the last to know.
Heh!!

While the music is catchy, the dance is quite... urm... *speechless*....
hurhur!

Anyway, this was posted in plurk by another fren which I tot was quite funny. :D

Quite true too.. =P

Bruises

I have bruises internally that cannot be seen
They cannot heal
for reasons which I cannot understand
The only ointment available, is not available to me
Nor does it understand that I need it

Physical bruises however, will heal with time.
Acquired easily, heal easily
Bruises due to diving and pole...
There used to be a bruise on my wrist which has since healed.
The only ones left are on my legs....
Horrendous horrible lots of bruises...

Oh well.. these will heal over time
I only need to worry about the internal ones...

Sometimes...

Sometimes it's not what you do or do not do.
Sometimes first impression really matters.
Sometimes I just want to take my passport and fly off somewhere
Sometimes I just want to leave and go elsewhere and not work
Sometimes I just want to play all day, relax all day
Sometimes I look on with enviousness at other people
Sometimes things happen without a reason
Sometimes things just go out of control.

Sometimes....

Wakeboarding...

Wakeboarding is actually quite fun!
In a way.. =P
and super tiring...
My shoulders, neck, arms and back are still aching from it all
Surprisingly, the legs are ok!
Instructor say it helps to train the abs as well, but er... my abs feel nothing!! no ache leh!
Bluff us!! =P

At least now I know how to stand and go to the side le.

Next up!
Hopefully we will learn how to cut through the swells! =D

oh yah... and it's a sibeh unglam sport... hahaha!! =X

Short??

Er.... my skirt is not short ok..
It's cos I'm tall!

Er... shorts are very common nowadays
Stop saying they are ugly, too casual etc leh.

Sulks....

Bored...

I'm bored...
but going out means spending $$
sigh....
Goes home to nua instead....

More action than words

Taking up a new language...
fail....
Cannot remember the vowels and consonants.
Not enough motivation maybe...

Taking up another course for diving
on the way!
OMG!!
Abit apprehensive though
I hope I dun puke again
I can bear with the other syndromes like headache, and shoulder aches
but puking?
Abit harder to control... =(
No more puking please!!

Taking up a new activity
Acquired new bruises.
hehehehhe!!
I think I can remember better for action oriented stuff, rather than words. =P hehehe

Continuing on new activities!
I hope I can remember the steps since I took it months ago!
And finally know how to turn?

And I'm doing all these new stuff at this ripe old age... hiaz...
How I wish I'm younger... =(

When I wanna Catch hold of something...

How true....

At least for me....

For the moment...

When I most wanted to catch hold of something

It just passes me by

Oh well.. Life goes on...

Outbreak...

emotional outbreak.. tearing outside...
Good in a sense that the unca asking for $$ was turned away after a single "Miss"
I think he's scared that I will burst out crying and all the blame will be laid on him

Tearing in the public transport and fumbling for tissues
Only to find... the tissue pack is in another bag which means... no tissues
Great...
And purposely sitting right at the back of the transport with a turned away head helps ensures that no one sees that
But then sniffing sounds can't be blocked

And nobody (the public and the culprits) bothers...
Sigh...

Is it me or the friends that I've made?
Some frens will tell me to let go and make new friends
Others will tell me... "they are like that one"... again... duh....

I dun know what I'm writing or doing anymore...

Partying

I have been partying more recently
It could be a no childhood syndrome where I didn't get to do all these when I was younger or still schooling
But i guess it's kind of good that I only started this when I'm older, cos....

I'm more in control
I have the finances to do it instead of depending on the allowance provided by the parents
I know what is right and what is wrong, and so I do not go overboard with the drinking ~ stares at drunk people zzz-ing by the roadside....
I like to boogie since young, cues chinese dance club, mass dance, hip hop, tampourine...
Thus, it's no surprise that I still like to boogie now
It's like a sort of release to do it to the fast paced music amidst like-minded individuals
Plus, it is a form of exercise, sans the alcohol.
LOL!

The cute and non-so-cute guys approaching you despite your advancing age, helps the ego lots lots too. heh! =D

Getting out

I want to and I hope that I am slowly getting out of this Rut that I am in.
I just wish it will happen faster...
Feelings etc be damned!
Quiet down will u and stop feeling sorry for yourself!

Off...

I wanna break free

Suddenly the song "I wanna break free" resonates through my brain...
Well, I only know that statement in the song. Not sure what the rest of the lyrics say. LOL!

But seriously, I do wanna break free from this mundane life
That explains the frequent travelling and diving trips i have had this year and the sudden "DRASTIC" drop in my bank account.

Time to earn back the $$ for the next getaway.
Sigh....

Shoebox Units?

So the papers are saying that more people are buying shoebox units and they are gaining in popularity..
Sure...

They very positive hor?

But the fact is...
Shoebox units are more suitable for singles or couples or for people who just want a taste of private property living.
We just want to say, Hey! we stayed in Private Property (before)!!
Or just want to enjoy the perks of it, such as security, gym, swimming pool or any other sports facilities.
I am sure that there are those who enjoyed or want to stay there.
After all, it is more cozy and less cleaning (tired lah) involved.
But I still feel that it is too small.
Much too small.

Accommodation has been shrinking in size
Population has been ballooning with the influx of other people, not babies by the local population
Everything has been increasing in price
The average family cannot afford new houses nowadays with many in debt... life long debts...
They cannot help but go for smaller units...

I still want my 2-3 bedroom house
But due to the escalating prices, I may need to opt for a shoebox as well?
Life sucks... =(

Whatever

so if u asked me abt an outing. I msg u to ask where is it and u replied like 10 mins before the meeting time on the location which I cannot find in Google map, what am i supposed to assume?

Someone keeps telling me it's not wat I tink.
But things keep happening "coincidentally" that it becomes too much of a coincidence.

Can u not make me upset at work?
Cues puffy red eyes...

Whatever la
U all go your all merry way

I will not be so obvious as to delete my entire FB account, but I shall refrain fr going in anymore...

Thanks but no thanks for the most upsetting one year of my life...

What are Words

Love this song.... 

What Are Words

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name
You'll see

How every single promise I'll keep
'Cause what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave
When you need me most?

What are words
If you really don't mean them when you say them?
What are words
If they're only for good times, then they don't?

When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, they never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

And I know an angel was sent
Just for me and I know I'm meant
To be where I am
And I'm gonna be

Standing right beside her tonight
And I'm gonna be by your side
I would never leave
When she needs me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them when you say them?
What are words
If they're only for good times, then they don't?

When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, they never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here
Forever more

Every single promise I keep
'Cause what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave
When you need me most?

I'm forever keeping my angel close

knowing and sad...

sometimes, u get to know about something
and that something makes u hurt and sad
that's what's happening now...

I'm hurt and I'm sad...

Giving up on studies..

I think i really have enough of studies
I can't build up the motivation and the urge to study for the supposedly oral test tomorrow
My thot is to just tell the teacher to skip me for the oral and go for the rest.
I do not mind failing
After all, it was a spur of the moment thing and with no friends accompanying me or made in the class, i really dun have the excitement or motivation to study for it leh...

Oh well...

Blogging..

Yes, I have had a few blogs.
Most are opened to my friends to read
but all are silent now, deleted, left alone, cast away...

I have opened up this new one and selected to keep this silent for now
Unknown by my friends...
Although I am still using my internet nick that many knows me by

It's still on whinings, grumblings and gripes about people, about life in general
But I feel these are personal.
It's more of an online diary rather than a physical diary
where I am able to let off steam...

I wonder if they have a private protect function here....

Perhaps when I am able to let go of certain issues, I will be able to write happier stuffs?

Let's see what will happen in future bah and take things as they come...

Blues...

Out for a holiday hiatus to see creatures underwater and relax on land
And found out that the group had numerous activities within that one week!
Shows something rite
Maybe I'm just sensitive
I do not mind admitting that
But when u are back already and still not invited to the activities...
Shows something?

Disengage, reject, dissociate, break off.....
I think I want to get away from most members of the group.
I do not know why my fixation with them in the first place,
but I just want to break off now.

Easier said then done... sigh... =(

Self Reflections

It's easy to wallow is self-pity and despair
After all, it is a me, I society
where everything is about self

At times, we glimpse a sign of empathy for our fellow humans
But it's easier to sink into the pit of self denial and emotional upheaval

You can be having fun, laughing with the rest of them
Feeling joyful and happy
Having a wonderful time
But the next moment, you can be sinking down again

You wish for someone to bring you out
Of for a way out of this
Yet it is not easy for either to happen

I am still looking for the way out.
Please show me the EXIT?
Thanks!

Traveling...

Can't wait for my trip!!

On hiatus for a week.... =D

Sun Sand Sea, here I come!!

I dun understand

I dun understand why people must insist on standing at the exit doorway and block pax from scanning their cards out. Like... we have to do a gym or yoga movement to reach the scanner just so that we have to scan out.

I dun understand why some are so impatient to get to the seat that the block the steps for pax trying to move out from the bus corridor to the exit area so that they can get off the bus. It's not as if the empty seats are gonna move anywhere. Just let us get off kay! Well, if u refuse to make way, then excuse me if I knocked against you (with my bag).

I dun understand why some people refuse to move in. Sure, your stop is next up or that area is your most favorite area to stand. But look at the people getting onto the bus or MRT and make way lah. Be more considerate. They are also anxious in getting to their next destination.

I dun understand why in the midst of your running for the bus, you can knock into people who are just standing there, or moving towards their next bus, with lots of space at the side for you to run through. Why? Cross eyes?

I dun understand why your arm has to rub against mine as you move down the aisle. Not once, but on THREE separate occasions!! Congratulations. You have officially made me wary of you and avoid you big time, every time I see you getting on the bus. If you are still gonna rub against my arm even when I have made the effort to avoid you, then be prepared to get screamed at for molestation. I would not think it is by accident then, especially since my action is quite big when I try to avoid you. Cues body move away from seat, slanted in big big.

I dun understand why your arm has to rub against my back especially since u guy, I gal. leave some space yah? This is SG, not wherever you came from. Personal space yah?

Sigh... the woes of Public Transportation...... =(

Happier?

So I feel happier if there's nothing going on and I dun need to see them?
Wunder full.....

I tink I should just keep myself occupied....

Korean

I skipped the 1st class as I had a company's event
I went to the 2nd class, thoroughly blurred and confused
I think I'm gonna fail this course....

Hurhurhur!

Oh well.. it was taken for fun anyway.

But it still sucks to fail...  :(

I now need to translate a song from korean to their roman alphabets.
OMG!! so fast do this liao and got homework!

I selected this. =)
I hope it's easy!

我爱你 I love you by 泰妍 from 《雅典娜.战争的女神》 

http://youtu.be/CAX2jLdl31M

Hurting..

It's because I care, so I hurt when the "care" is not reciprocated.
It's because I care, that every little thing carves itself into my mind and refuse to go away
It's because I care, so I get angry easily when things are not going where and how they should.
It's because I care, so I question when there are people who dun.

No matter how much I try to put it out of the mind, the questions are always there.
The hurt will lessen slowly but will always remain in my memory.
I hurt ~ but I dun usually show it.

I'm sorry for lashing out at a friend
And although said friend always say he understands
But deep down inside, I will always question it
Sorry....
If this affects our friendship, then there's nothing much I can say except sorry and move on sadly...

I'm quiet by nature...
Appearing cold and stand-of-ish at times.

But talk to me yah?

It's not easy..

Nobody said it will be easy
Getting over wounds
But slowly and gradually...
and hopefully if I see less, hear less, ...
Then I will recover?

On Twitter... retweeted by Lex, originally twitted by Joanne Peh
Some wounds can't be healed with time, they only become more manageable.

How true...

Another one that's always on my mind..
You can always forgive, but you will never forget it that easily

I wanted to say, "you will never forget" but I think it doesn't hold true for everyone.
So it became "you will never forget it that easily"...

Still trying to heal my "internal wounds"
Less than a month to go before the course is completed.
I hope that there's no more after this!! =(
*Sucks... *

Bus Stomping

I was probably asking for a bus stomp incident to occur yesterday... -_-'''
but i was frustrated leh!!
Super crowded bus sia...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Incident 1
I was one of the last few to get onto the bus.
I practically pasted myself at the bus driver small entrance with the drop coin fee payment machine
This stupid worker squeezed onto the bus and bua-ed my backside with his arm!
Not once, but TWICE!!
Oi, I know crowded bus leh, but at least show some courtesy rite?!
At least say sorry lah!
But noooooo... he never........

So i turned and faced the front when I next got a chance to do so, with my bags blocking the front.
He wanna bua, also bua my bags can..

Then when the bus doors opened, he stepped back and stepped on me without a sorry too!
I said loudly, first in mandarin, then in english that he stepped on me
But he doesn't seem to understand me at all...

ARRGHHHHH!!!!

Incident 2
We were moving in, in the bus, so that people can get up, guy squeezed past me while I was waiting for the people in front of me to move. grrr...
Then an Auntie tried to do the same too!
Me: Auntie! 你可以不要再挤了吗！我也要进去的！ (can u stop squeezing! I also wanna move in!)
Auntie: 可是他们没有动。。。 (but they are not moving...)
I simply ignored her....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Have some patience can? People are also trying to move...
I tink I'm asking to be stomped if the auntie actually started shouting at me...
*shivers* Oh well, what's past is passed...

Ugly public transport actions are quite aplenty
It's a matter of whether we see it or not and whether we want to action on it.

My friend who just sold off her car, messaged me the other day that the public transport here is crazy
With the increasing number of people in Singapore, that is something which cannot be avoided.
*shrugs*

Gone-ed

My old blog address are all gone... taken by some others although I do not see any entry on the accounts. [update: i tink wrong address. =P dun tink i created any on blogspot before. =P ] Sigh... such is life...

I wanted to keep my grumblings to myself
I wanted to keep away from Public
I wanted to stop posting things I see or feel, openly on the webbie.

But I ended up having no avenue to express myself

To let go of issues that are troubling me

To relieve my tensions

I get restless, unwell

But in fact, there is nothing wrong with my physical body

But mentally, I am in a shit hole which I hope I will be able to get out of, soon

I hope that it is not myself but because of other factors which dropped me into this hole

I want to get out

To stop thinking

Be happy

To get on with life 

I want to do so.

I shall.

Soon.